The "R" Word

Oh dear.

So Margaret Cho, a comedienne, made a dumb comment about being nervous to have a child because she doesn't want a retard. Okay. Of course I, now being the parent of a shiny new baby with Down syndrome, have been grilled on how I feel about that. So, since I have been asked in real life, let me put it in writing.

First of all, I felt like I shared in an inside joke with God because we are all retarded. If Margaret Cho wants to avoid having a baby with special needs she ought to refrain from procreating.

But as for the use of the word, I don't care. I'm not on the "Ban the "R" Word" bandwagon. Retard is not a noun I use. Retard is a verb, as in, "The creek did nothing to retard the forest fire." Since the word has meaning that is useful to the lexicon, I hate the idea of banning it, or calling it "the R Word". Like Dumbledore says, "Fear of the name increases fear of the thing itself." I remember once playing Euker and using the word "renege" to have the other white players gasp. My teammate was black, and I looked at him and said, "What the hell is their problem?" to which he replied, "Oh, you haven't heard? Any word that sounds similar to the N Word is now off limits without express permission from a black man." And then he and I cracked up because renege has nothing to do with that.

But there is a bigger reason for not banning the R word. I want to know what people actually think. If they are ignorant, let them be instructed. If they are assholes, let them expose themselves. I don't want to be surrounded by people who hold repugnant opinions and not know it. I want to know it so I can respond. Hopefully the assholes can be converted. If they can't be converted, and they can't be avoided, I can at least chalk up their presence in my life to redemptive suffering. They give me the opportunity to love my enemies, and God knows I need more practice.

Okay, I may have an issue with people being mean to my little girl. I'm a mama bear, and there is a high risk of issuing a Corey-style tongue lashing. However, it will also allow me to teach her how to cope with jerks. And she will need that skill. She's being raised Catholic and is the 5th child. Life was never going to be easy.

And there is one last thing that bothers me about banning words: It allows the biggest jerks determine what things mean. If jerks start using a word as a putdown, nice people feel like that word should be banned. No thanks. I really don't want a language defined by jerks. Instead of banning words, speak up. And then ignore them. Let them laugh at their own stupidity. God always has the last laugh anyway.