Good Day! Yesterday Mariana weighed a grand total of 14 lbs., which was .5 less than on Monday. To this I say; Babyhood: You're doing it wrong. I knew there was a problem, but now we are on a course to rectify her incredible metabolism and my poor under-performance in the lactation department. I have a post in the hopper for Molly Monday about it, because, to exactly no one's surprise, I find formula abhorrent. Two things I'll give you before Monday: She is getting formula and I am thrilled. Hahahahaha! I'm so confusing.
On the next quick take I am going to talk about running. This might annoy you. Please just know that I realize people talking incessantly about their hobbies can be annoying. I get it. However, running will only factor partially into the story. Minimally, actually. It's okay, you'll survive.
This morning I went running. I have no cold-weather running gear that fits, other than my shoes. I do have a jacket that I really like for running, but do to some of my current assets, my spare tire (because the term "muffin top" just makes me prejudice against muffins) in particular, causes said jacket to ride up. Sometimes my shirt joins the trip and I find that I am running with a bit of exposed butter. I refuse to get a new jacket because I actually like that my jacket doesn't fit...yet. The reason is that one day that jacket will fit again, and that day will be much sweeter because I know how uncomfortable that jacket is now.
And that is how I feel like my relationship with Christ goes too. Sometimes life circumstances get the better of my attention and I go through the motions of staying in touch with Jesus while not really paying attention to who he is. When I realize this, I find it uncomfortable and awkward to talk with him. Instead of trying to make my idea of Jesus change, ie; buy a new jacket, I struggle through the awkwardness to conform myself to being a person who accepts Christ for who he is. Right now it is awkward between us because I forget how to be silent and just sit in his presence. Going to mass alone is disconcerting and I don't know how to focus because I am used to being distracted. If I don't find time for silence and contemplation or going to mass alone once in a while, I forget who Jesus really is. I forget how to listen to him. I forget how to be comforted by him. I am trying to conform to my favorite jacket and I'm trying to conform to who Christ really is. Pardon me if my imperfections show a bit on the journey.
---4---
I have been feeling guilty about not having enough time to get everything done. The problem is that I can know that there is nothing to be done about my lack of time, yet because I have to live with the consequences, I find there are major problems to accepting this fact of life. Yesterday at the pediatrician the Nurse Practitioner was giving me my tasks and the thought to smack her in the face occurred to me. It wasn't her, it was the information. I wanted to smack the information. At this point Mae requires a neb treatment 4 times a day, ear drops 4 times a day, a formula supplement to each feeding, breast feeding, one juice bottle and 2 meals that have a half avocado mixed in each. That is one kid alone. Don't even factor the other kids nutritional needs, the basics of housekeeping and the fact that if I don't sleep I could well get in a car accident.
The first person to suggest I hire help gets it.
I don't have anything else to say after #4 because now I'm feeling judged by everyone for making time to blog when I just complained there aren't enough hours in the day. Heh.
Today is the March for Life, and I agree with our president.
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